Random Rants From A Random Gyal...

MY List of Nairobi's Top Ten Most Bangable Dudes

2012-01-17T08:23:00.001+03:00

So I have resurrected this blog purposefully for this! The chick version has been going round and I agree with most of the blogger's picks. I, however, will not say who I don't think should be on that list lest I be accused of...you know...being a 'hater'
Here's my list of Nairobi's most bangable men, these 9 can gettit ANY DAY OF THE WEEK...and twice on Sundays (No disrespect to their wives/girlfriends/partners/whatevers). Please note that this country has very few famous good looking men, I had to dig under and pull out some pseudo-celebs.So if you don't know half of them make use of Google ;-)

9-Danson Mungatana
There's a reason chicks be getting babies left right and centre with this man, and it ain't because he can lay pipe (or maybe he can,wouldn't know :-/) He just has the LOOK! I, for one, wouldn't mind being his 516th baby mama. Just kidding. Or not.

8-John Allan Namu
Yeah, I DO know he's married, saddly that doesn't make him any less hotter. I know I'm going to hell for this.

7-DNG
And by DNG I mean the Gospel baby-locks-wearing version of DNG. His current look is yet to grow on me, so I hang on to the 2004 version.

6 Eric Njoka
If this pic alone doesn't explain it, I don't know what will.

5-Sidney Armstrong aka Dirty Damu
Producer at HeadBangaz Entertainment, I don't know much about him but I DO know he can make some cute babies ;-)

4-Shay Ohaion
CEO of Alldean Satellite Networks. A work of art. If he were my boss, I'd be gunning for other things besides a promotion ;-)

3 Fareed Khimani

2 Kevin Ndege
Hottest member of Changing Times

1 Christian Mlamba
Hands down the 2nd HOTTEST dude in Kenya! He was one of Nameless's dancers and apparently Mr. Lenny's brother. Yeah.

Nairobi's top rated suburbs

2010-10-01T19:08:00.006+03:00

While looking for property on the Hass Consult site, I found this interesting list. Here is how different suburbs in Nairobi are rated,from lowest to highest.

Embakasi Rating**

Due to space availability, Private and government connected Real Estate Developers have pitched here. Savannah, Nyayo, Honey Suckle Apartments and Simba Villa estates are a sample of the modern estates coming up. Other older estates here are Donholm, Nyayo, Umoja and Komarock. This vast suburb houses low income and higher middle income residents

Nairobi West Rating**

Nairobi West is a residential and commercial area 3 Kms north of the Central Business District. It falls under Langata Constituency and borders South C to the east and Upperhill to the West. Its closeness to town makes its properties in high demand among tenants and developers.

Mombasa Road Rating ***

South C, Plainsview, Hazina, Imara Daima, Embakasi and Highway estates.

South C Rating***

South C is a modern, gated residential and commercial middle class estate in the South Land area of Nairobi. It borders South B, and Langata estates. It’s a hub of international NGO’s and government institutions, set 6 Kms from the city centre.

Upper Hill Rating ***

The area is home to several regional and local companies headquarters; Standard Chartered Bank, Equity Bank, The World Bank, Coca-Cola, City Bank, Pricewaterhouse Coopers, IFC among other big names have built impressive head-offices at Upper Hill. However, the growth of Upper Hill as a commercial hub is recent, only 8 years ago, Upper Hill was a predominantly upper-middle class residential area, with many, old colonial houses occupying 1 or 2 acres of land.

Hurlingham Rating ***

Hurlingham suburb is some 15 minutes drive from the city centre, and part of the greater Kilimani area. It’s a modern, unique, vibrant, but constricted residential and commercial upmarket area that combines business and pleasure. International NGO’s, SME’s, conference centres, guest houses, beauty shops, hospitals, counseling institutions, restaurants and media outlets coexist symbiotically here

Parklands Rating ***

Parklands is a commercial and residential suburb established in the late 1940s. Its proximity to the city centre makes it a hot property area, housing the upper middle class and Kenya's vibrant Indian business community, and offering a melting point of religions across Hindu, Christianity and Muslim who’s adorned houses of worship dot the area. Part of its housing architecture has a strong Indian/Asian influence, but there are also many modern apartments.

Brookside Rating ***

Brookside is an up-market, green, residential area set between Westlands, Spring Valley and Upper Parklands estate (Kabete Road), with the Waiyaki Way dual carriageway separating the area from Muthangari

Westlands Rating***

Set 3 km North West of the Nairobi Central Business District, Westlands contains some of the highest income areas in Nairobi, as well as slum areas such as Kangemi. However, it is mainly known as Nairobi’s dynamic social and entertainment hub for expatriates, middle class and wealthy Kenyans, with a wide range of shops, plazas, restaurants, bars and night clubs.

Rhapta Road Rating ***

Rhapta Road is a section of the greater Westlands area, north-west of the city. The road stretches from the Westlands shopping centre roundabout to Mahiga Mairu Avenue, cutting across quiet residential areas mixed with office blocks. Like most suburbs near the city centre, Rhapta Road is quickly becoming a commercial area.

Riverside Rating ****

Many define Riverside as Lavington’s up-market relative and neighbor. It neighbors Muthangari, Lavington, Westlands, and Spring Valley. Home to numerous high commissions, including the Australian and Malawi commissions, the area is perhaps the most centrally located of all Nairobi's up-market suburbs. The area is popular with diplomats and senior expatriate business people. However, Kenya’s rich own a good proportion of the houses too. This is where the apartment building boom started, spawning many new blocks. However, large and well-serviced, these are beginning to look little dated compared to the newer blocks in Kilimani and Hurlingham.

Loresho Rating****

Developed since 1967 on former coffee farms, Loresho is a leafy green up-market well-developed residential suburb to middle to upper class Kenyans and expatriates. It is luxurious in the vein of Lavington and Muthaiga, although bordering the Kangemi and Kibagare slums, with Kangemi having sprung up through rural to urban migration into employment for the rich people of Loresho who needed gardeners, maids and general house helps.

Kyuna ****

Kyuna is north of Westlands with the main access road being the Lower Kabete Road which leads straight onto Kyuna Road. It shares many of the same facilities - hospitals, schools, and social amenities - with Spring Valley and Loresho.

Kilimani Rating ****

Kilimani is a convenient prime residential area about 10 minutes away from the city centre. It houses mainly maisonettes and apartments and is quickly coming up as a prime commercial zone as well. The Kilimani greater area encompasses smaller, gated estates like Riara and Hurlingham. The Location is accentuated by proximity to major shopping centres including Yaya Centre, Prestige Plaza, Uchumi hypermarket, Hurlingham shopping centre and Adams arcade.

Spring Valley Rating****

Slightly more understated than Muthaiga, Spring Valley is an exclusive low-density suburb distinguished by contemporary homes in well-treed compounds. As a middle and high income purchaser, you will find anything from old colonial houses to gated compounds and apartments.

Kileleshwa Rating****

Kileleshwa is a quiet, upper-middle income, leafy suburb west of Nairobi City. The landscape is a mixture of aging, colonial houses built in the 1950’s and 1960’s and modern apartments and townhouses. The Government holds quite a significant part of Kileleshwa. Most senior civil servants have been housed in Kileleshwa in spacious bungalows and mansionettes, with Kileleshwa differing from neighboring Kilimani, Hurlingham, or Lavington in the land size per house. Until quite recently, Kileleshwa houses occupied three-quarters to an acre of land. The suburb is also quieter and greener than Kilimani and Hurlingham. At the border of Kileleshwa and Kilimani lies State House, the official residence of the President.

Lavington Rating ****

Lavington is middle to high income residential suburb some 7 km north west of the City centre. The area is home to many large villa residences and beautiful gardens. Most trees have been untouched even as the area has developed, giving the suburb a country touch in a modern setting. It was originally the St. Austins Mission established by the French Holy Ghost Fathers. This explains the numerous Catholic mission centers and Catholic-sponsored institutions in the area.

Nyari Rating ****

Nyari is a relatively new, plush, leafy upmarket estate along Red Hill Road that feeds onto Limuru Road. Nyari borders the even grander areas of Gigiri, Muthaiga and Runda to the North East and Kitisuru to its South. The lavish estate is set some 15 kms from Nairobi’s Central Business District and 2 kms from Gigiri. It is a highly secure neighborhood with 24 hour police patrols regularly. It is a favorite neighborhood for many expatriates and affluent Kenyans. Nyari police station was built on funds pooled by the residents and sits at the estate’s entry.

Ridgeways Rating*****

Set between Muthaiga and Thika Road, Ridgeways, including the Garden Estate, is set beside the Kiambu Road, on the outskirts of Nairobi.. Before the area was inhabited by elite Kenyans, it used to be part of the colonial white highlands or central uplands. The area still has a rural feel, with several water masses, including the Kigwa Dam, many exotic birds, and other wildlife that still lives in the forested ecosystem. Ridgeways is best known as home to the Windsor Golf Club, owned by Environment Minister, John Michuki.

Karen Rating *****

Karen is one of the oldest residential areas in Nairobi, said to have been named after Karen Blixen, the Danish writer of Out of Africa, whose farm originally covered the area. Karen offers a blend of colonial bungalows and villas on gorgeous and expansive grounds, and has ensured its continuing sense of country life around modern, urban centres and facilities.

Runda Rating *****

Once a coffee farm, Runda has been transformed to a high-end housing estate over the last 30 years. Demand for elite houses came after the UNEP headquarters was built in Gigiri. A growing number of diplomats and foreigners have driven the expansion of the leafy suburb.

Gigiri Rating *****

Gigiri, a close neighbor to Runda and Muthaiga, is separated from Nairobi city centre by the 2,500-acre Karura Forest and several low, wooded hills, Gigiri is a highly acclaimed secure neighborhood harboring the larger part of the diplomatic missions including the UNEP, World Food Program, US and Canadian Embassies. The area is also characterized by lavish homes, a few modern townhouses and beautiful guest houses. The Village Market, Warwick centre, Gigiri shopping centre provide good entertainment as well as necessities making Gigiri a self sufficient neighborhood. Roselyn Academy, German School and ISK (International School of Kenya) are closely located and are amongst the top schools in Nairobi.

Muthaiga Rating *****

To date, the Muthaiga area is Nairobi’s long-established Beverly Hills, where American celebrities hail from, lying around along shady roads that wind through lush wooded hills and valleys with streams that turn into quick-running rivers in the rainy seasons. The area is home to wealthy Kenyans, but is better known for diplomats, expatriates on long-term contracts or settled foreigners and even President Kibaki.

First of all, how the hell is Ridgeways 5 star? We all know Nyari OWNS Ridgeways! Secondly I didn’t know Lavington wasn’t 5 star???? Anyway, woohoo! for my hood. I feel good *wink*

Miss World Kenya 2010, we are doomed.

2010-08-19T11:40:00.001+03:00

I have always said this 2010 Miss World Kenya thing is a little ghetto, the girls look sooooo hood its not even funny, and the Nollywood weaves and make up just make it worse.
What I cant stand most are the forced smiles and plastic pose that they try to pull in order to look more 'beauty queeny'.
Tracy Ombajo should just dump that lacefront...her hairline just looks wrong! plus I can practically see my reflection on that other judge's lip gloss.
Ladies please, we need more class up in there, this is just not working.
Now take a peak at other Miss World Contestants and compare with what we are working with.We need help.

Pics courtesy of Media Take Out (obviously). Your thoughts? Am I right or am I just a hater?

Zain, YOU ROCK!

2010-08-19T10:43:00.000+03:00

I had been on Zain until April of this year when I finally gave up and moved to Safaricon. People kept complaining that they couldn't reach me yet I knew my phone was on, I also wasn't happy with their internet charges plus their modems were still 2G.
So yesterday when the news broke out of their uber low charges I went into a frenzy trying to trace my line,I finally found it and Hallelujah! Its still active.

Mr Rene Meza (left) MD Zain Kenya Ltd confers with Michael Okwiri, Zain's Corporate Communications Director at Stanley Hotel Nairobi in July.

I have resolved to make all my calls from my Zain line and do everything else from the Safaricom one. Lets face it,Safaricom trumps all other networks in the internet department,they have 3G hence they are cheaper and much more reliable. I know people who would swear by Yu or Orange but I tried them all and neeh,I prefer Safcon.
Zain and internet? not in the same sentence please, they are not even trying.
So I guess we are all going to be seeing weirdly familiar Zain numbers on our caller IDs in the next few days, I love this country and our love for cheap things. #ProudlyKenyan
Oh and...there's no relation between me and Michael Okwiri, we just happen to share a last name.
Edit; Safaricon is not a typo.

Kenyan's in Hollywood...and elsewhere.

2010-08-16T10:52:00.001+03:00

It appears like this is our year to be internationally represented, sometimes in good ways and other times bad.
I saw a comment on a blog just the other day where some chick was asking how he can get himself a Kenyan man seeing as the number of upcoming celebs with Kenyan descent is rising by the day. I commented back by telling her my ex is single *wink*
Anyways, my top rated Kenyan jewels are..... *drum rolls*
Top on the list is Barry Obama ,we still hella proud of him despite some of his unpopular decisions. Seeing as they don't affect us directly WTH.

Barry

Then there is Eddie Gathegi who single handedly made me watch the Twilight Series,although I had regrets every time I did, I mean seriously,those movies suck.

Eddie Gathegi

Who can forget David Otunga, Jenniffer Hudsons fiance? The guy is FOINE, has a HARVARD law degree and is a *side eye* WWE wrestler. Whatever inspired him to make that career choice is beyond me.

David and his fiancee J.Hud arriving at the Grammy Awards.

And finally (for now) is Shay 'The UK Bombshell', don't let the name fool you, chick was born in Mombasa and moved to the UK at age 2. She is half Kenyan half Persian and is currently dating Kanye West, but the most memorable thing about he is her alleged dimensions; 30JJ-26-38 and all natural, HOW NOW!?!
Its a little hard to find a PG18 pic of her, so this is the best I could do :-) ;

Shay

'The bombshell'

Guys, you can stop drooling now,she's taken.
Our Tusker beer brand is known worldwide and even has a wiki page of its own. So its not just humans who rep Kenya,drinks do too!

Refresh your roots.

Know of any famous or soon-to-be-famous Kenyans? Let a girl know and brag accordingly.

I have serious beef with Radio Africa Group

2010-08-13T10:08:00.000+03:00

Im a bit of a conspiracy theorist, I never take things at face value. My latest subject of obsession is Radio Africa Group,you know the one that owns Kiss 100,Classic 105, Radio Jambo and East FM?
I seriously believe they are on some kind of mission to dumb down our Kenyan society...call me crazy but thats just what I believe.
How do you explain Kiss 100 and Classic 105 having a playlist of about 15 songs and still being rated among the 'best' radio stations? Who does these ratings because it sure as hell ain't people I know.
It seems to me that the only music they play is from the A-Listers of entertainment,so if you are an aspiring artist hoping to make it to the airwaves you better start with the likes of Ghetto Radio and maybe Homeboyz, make it big then you can consider dropping your CD at Kiss 100. In the meantime they will rewind and replay the same songs over and over and over till we cant take it no more.
Oh and lets not forget the scandalous talk shows; Kiss FM's drive time is one show you wouldn't want to tune in to if you have an under 18 in the vicinity. The mother of them all? Maina Kageni's breakfast show!
Not too long ago I was a frequent user of Thika road and every morning while heading to work some matatu's would tune to Classic. You can imagine one and a half hours of complete dirty talk and and very sexually driven discussions! to make it worse, some of the matatu passengers were kids heading to school! I sometimes had to ask the crew to change the station, I couldn't handle it. Looking around you could see some adults blushing at some of the things they were saying.

Maina Kageni,Breakfast Talk Show Host-Classic 105.

I am not saying we stop talking about these things and act like they don't exist,I'm just saying there's a time for everything. In my opinion such subjects should be reserved for late night shows, bombarding us with intimate family issues on daytime radio is just wrong. Why are we forcing our kids to grow up much faster than they should? What kind of society are we trying to create?
Thats why I say Radio Africa is on a mission to dumb us down, and I thank God I grew up with KBC in the 90's. Back then we had educational programs like Hello Children,good informative talk shows and the music was varied and 'listenable'. But now? I can't.

Why I think the western media is letting Africa down.

2010-08-12T17:44:00.000+03:00

Is it just me or did the mainstream foreign media completely snub our just concluded referendum vote exercise?
I flipped through CNN,Al Jazeera and BBC on the day of the results and there was nothing on Kenya's referendum.
Fast rewind to 2007 and CNN was almost immediate in covering the post election drama. News agencies from all over the world camped here for months! and even after the violence subsided they stuck around,just in case it blew up again.
My point? Africa is only news worthy when there is violence,natural disasters or famine. The rapture may go down in Uganda for all they care,but unless it's accompanied by violence or death,they will never notice. Why travel all the way when they have more important things like Justin Beiber and Kim Kardashian?
We are not really desperate for attention,we are just desperate for positive attention. Those images of skinny malnourished African kids (or what I like to call UNICEF pictures) are getting a little tired in my honest opinion,time to spice it up a little bit.
Just what I think.

New NHIF deductions VERY unwelcome!

2010-08-12T13:13:00.000+03:00

First of all, hi and welcome, My name is KG.
Moving on...so I'm watching news on Citizen TV, not really listening, until someone catches my attention.
There Anyang' Nyong'o is, telling me that in addition to the countless deductions on my pay-slip,now I have to cough up an additional several hundred shillings to cater for NHIF. I refuse to call this guy "Honorable" because to me he is anything but.
Like that isn't painful enough, he has to go ahead and dictate what shoes I should or shouldn't buy and state to me that the government doesn't get money from the sky.
IS HE SERIOUS????
This coming from a guy who doesn't pay taxes or get any deductions from his pay except personal loans! one who increases his own salary at will and steals millions in public funds to cater for his lavish lifestyle. The same guy who had to be practically begged to surrender his Benz and settle for a more economic Passat? That same guy???
Disgust does not even begin to describe what I feel about this guy, he seriously thinks he has the moral authority to tell me to give up drinking because 'my health is more important'? Really? you think?
Sitchoassdown!
So why don't we all go ahead and have our salaries increased by the same percentage Akiwumi suggested they increase theirs, and then backdate it to 2007? And who the hell is Akiwumi? how come every time I hear his name I get the feeling I'm about to lose money?
These Kenyan so-called leaders are going to a special kind of hell, the way they act is not right.
Mr. Nyong'o, please watch the way you speak about money to people that don't have it, concentrate on your own personal/family budget and leave mine alone.
Nktest!